So on my facebook page I allowed a friend request from someone that I apparently went to high school with (even though I don’t recall her) because she seemed cool. Like someone I might want to be friends with. Why? Because unlike many of the people I know in my area/state, she openly is sex-positive. Or so I thought. I thought this because she had a side business of at-home sex toy parties of the FYP For Your Pleasure Inc brand.

Basic premise of this and similar others is that you gather up all your little girlfriends and their friends and you giggle over the sex toys. It’s like a Pampered Chef party or a Tupperware party – except it’s sex toys. And if any of you girls (or your wives) have been to anything like this, be it jewelry, kitchen gadgets or food baskets, you know that once you’re there you are subtly pressured in a Stepford Wife way to buy something. The hostess only does well for herself if you all buy stuff. And for the moolah she sinks into these you’d better believe your sweet tookas that you’re gonna get pressured.

Out of curiosity I clicked over from one thing to another to actually happen upon the For Your Pleasure site. After much clicking I ended up at the online store.

I know that many retailers have various pricing and that I happen to be affiliated with ones that are very reasonably priced, but I about fell off my goddamn chair.

At FYP, the Njoy Small Plug is $85.00. At Edenfantasys.com, that plug is $59.99. At FYP the Njoy Fun Wand (fuckers don’t even CARRY the Pure Wand) is $115.00 vs EF which is $87.99. Tantus Goliath? $82.00 at For Your WalletRape er I mean For Your Pleasure, and $59 at EdenFantasys. For Your Pleasure also charges tax no matter where you are located – other retail sites only charge tax if you are in the state they are in. FYP has no offers of free or reasonable shipping charges. I placed a dummy order of $75 and the shipping was $9. EF gives free UPS ground on orders over $59 or free overnight on orders over $100.

I know that at these FYP sex toy parties, the hostess doesn’t have products to let people take home right then and there so they DO have to pay the tax and shipping. They’re bullied and pressured into buying something before they can have time to go look for a better deal elsewhere or a more pleasing color. I’d be willing to bet my left tit that the hostesses of these parties NEVER talk about phthalates and using condoms on toys.

I know that when I was in New York in November I also had a hard time keeping my mouth shut about the prices in the one sex toy shop we went into. Granted it was a MUCH better place than the ratty gross skeeve-dives here in my area but they were no Babeland brick-n-mortar – that shop was at least run by women and felt non threatening – probably because of the lack of Live Nood Gurls. Anyways, while it was cool to see all these toys I’ve only ever seen online live and in person, I also knew that they were overpriced. I am no savant with numbers but I could vaguely recall prices of Lelo toys and knew they were upselling by $20.

I’ve been invited to a sex toy party here once run by a coworker’s friend and I politely declined with a prior commitment excuse – because I knew I wouldn’t buy anything and I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut about the jelly rubber and the CalExotics garbage and the exorbitant pricing. To say how I knew these things I’d have to admit to a couple of things that I don’t feel like letting those people in on. So I figured it was better that I don’t go.

I don’t know how to spread the word better about these goddamn parties, but maybe if enough of us reviewers write up a post on it, the search engines will eventually point a few untrained housewives and corporate powerhouses to our post before they get suckered into these gigglefest “buy a cute little bunny to put in your kitty!” travesties. I could probably be a lot more eloquent about this and give even more information and examples but I’m honestly just too ticked off right now.

So if you are an internet searcher who came here via this post? PLEASE don’t be shy about emailing me or IM’ing me to ask about toys. I will be more than happy to educate you and help you.