In the 80s, we wanted a simple bad boy. Think Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club, or Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing. In the 90s, we lusted after the sensitive soul. Hugh Grant in Notting Hill. Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You. The 90s guy was someone who had recently been in fight with his parents, took his feelings very seriously, and thought Radiohead’s “Creep” was the best song he’d ever heard. Then Y2K came in, and instead of crashing all our computers, it brought with it the era of the manchild. Think of every single role that Seth Rogen has ever played. Men onscreen were no longer held responsible for their actions, especially as pertained to alcohol and weed. We moved on from the manchild, but with a dearth of good romantic comedies (but a ton of superhero movies) we’ve been left without a dernier cri romantic ideal.
Until now. Now we have Peter Kavinsky, from To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. He’s the silly-love-note writing, making-out-in-the-hot-tub, saving-you-a-seat-on-the-bus-to-the-ski-trip man you’ve probably seen your girlfriend lusting over on Twitter. At last, with the help of Netflix, we have our new type: the wholesome man. Little did we know, when Netflix gave us Charlie from Set It Up that they were going to follow through with an even hunkier and sweeter leading man (and one with a sexy chin scar no less). “Wholesome” isn’t about tame lyrics, clean jokes, or an untarnished image. Wholesome is about remembering to bring a bottle of Malbec over to your girlfriend’s mom’s house because it’s her favorite. Wholesome is not the saccharine cheesiness of playing your date an Ed Sheeran song, it’s picking up her favorite food when you’re at the grocery store (or going across town to the Korean grocery store to get Lara Jean her favorite drink for the long bus ride. Swoon.) It’s not loud, performative gestures—it’s steady affection. It’s about asking someone out on a date and taking care of all the planning instead of just seeing what happens on Friday night and hoping your crush is free. Wholesome isn’t just taking care of tasks, though; it’s a perfect cocktail of confidence and vulnerability.
The leading men of tomorrow are taking stupid photos with you and drinking kombucha at a party if they’re going to drive (seriously, watch To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before on Netflix and remake yourself in the image of Peter Kavinsky.) The sexiness of the Wholesome Man comes from being willing to look like an ass—often in front of people—in order to do what is good or fun or right. That’s why it’s so hot when Peter Kavinsky takes selfies in the middle of a crowded party with Lara Jean; he doesn’t care about what other people think; he’s just doing him. The Wholesome Man realizes he can be emotionally intelligent without being boring. He is antithetical to the fuckboi, who is somehow even more childish and unappealing when held up against a guy who knows how to talk openly about his strained relationship with his father. The bar has been raised again for men (seriously, Seth Rogen movies set us so far back in terms of what we expect out of partners) and we love it.
Wholesome isn’t just about being a good guy around or because of your girlfriend, either. Peter Kavinsky is a good guy all the time, I bet. The vibe you're going for is equal parts emotionally evolved and aware of the world around you. The wholesome guy is the kind of guy who calls out his friends when they’re being dicks—think John Legend calling out Kanye—and who isn’t afraid to be silly in his girlfriend’s Instagram stories—think John Legend singing to Chrissy about her “headband of the day” while on vacation. And maybe you can’t afford to open a whole school like LeBron, but you can keep up with politics (because you actually care about other people; not because you love to argue). A high degree of social awareness, and the ability to speak about it, is what makes Terry Crews so hot, and it’s what makes women love the cast of Queer Eye so much, even if they don’t want to date us. Men who actually work to make the world a better place are wholesome-hot. It's about being well-rounded without losing the edge and humor that makes guys so sexy.
Wholesome wasn’t always this appealing, so why now? Just look at the world around us. It’s no wonder women want supportive, fun-loving, genuinely kind partners to come home to. These days we’re getting more than our daily dose of the rebellious asshole rich kid that the 80s loved, and the irresponsible manchild that the aughts preferred. And women certainly don’t have the energy to teach a sensitive brooding 90s leading man to care about people other than himself. We’re asking for you to be done maturing by the time you get to us now. We’re asking you to put in an effort with our friends just as often as you put in effort to make us come.
Also, we’re asking you to please just watch To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. It's so good.
Related Stories for GQNetflixWhat She SaidDatingSexSex and Relationships