Introducing kink into your sex life is a great way to keep it feeling fresh and exciting, and kinky sex toys can help you do exactly that. In our post-Fifty Shades of Grey world, more people than ever are curious about mixing pain and pleasure. But as anyone who’s ever perused the kinky accoutrements at a well-stocked sex shop can tell you, the vast variety of kink toys and tools can be intimidating for a newbie. (And even sometimes for a non-newbie—that's kind of the whole point!) How can you tell which products are fun, hot, and safe? And how can you potentially get your partner on board with your desire to explore?
The answers to these questions aren’t as complex as they might seem. If done in a way that is risk-aware, consensual, and thoughtfully negotiated (got your safe word picked out?), using kinky toys together can be not only safe, but sensational. Here’s a rundown on kink toys: how to raise the topic, how to shop for them, and how to use them—and, of course, the best kinky sex toys to buy.
The Best Kinky Sex Toys, at a GlanceThe mood is set, your partner is ready (and consenting), and you're raring to go. Dive right into the best kinky sex toys right here, right now.
The Best Bondage Collar: Kookie Bondage Collar, $69The Best Strap-On Harness: Aslan Leather Jaguar, $105The Best Nipple Clamps: CalExotics Nipple Play Crystal Chain Nipple Clamps, $21The Best Vibrating Nipple Clamps: Lovense Gemini, $99The Best Blindfold: Nidra Deep Rest Eye Mask, $18The Best Handcuffs: Unbound Cuffies, $19The Best Full-Body Bondage Set: Sportsheets Under-The-Bed Restraints System, $70The Best Bondage Rope: Blush Temptasia Bondage Rope, $26The Best Ball Gag: Pipedream Fetish Fantasy Ball Gag Training System, $24The Best Paddle: Sportsheets Saffron Ping Pong Paddle, $24The Best Crop: Crimson Heart Crop, $26The Best Wartenberg Wheel: CalExotics Scandal Pleasure Wheel, $20The Best Wax Play Candles: Sportsheets Drip Pillar Candles, $15How to bring up kinky toys with your partnerWhile you might be tempted to surprise your partner with a brand-new paddle or pair of nipple clamps when you’re in the mood to spice things up, often it goes more smoothly if you open up a dialogue about kink before buying a non-refundable toy your partner might not even like. “Outside the bedroom, when you’re not about to have sex, have a sit-down conversation,” suggests Zachary Zane, a sex expert, LGBTQ+ activist, and ambassador for sex toy brand Lovehoney.
Framing the conversation as being about making your sex life more exciting for both of you—not just for yourself—is another approach that can work well. “You can ask your partner if they’d be open to trying new things in the bedroom,” Zane says. “Then ask them about their fantasies and desires. See if there’s anything they’d like to try.” Online tools such as MojoUpgrade can be useful in identifying which kinks you’re each curious about and which are definitely not on the table.
When it comes to actually shopping for toys, doing it as a couple can help you both feel more comfortable. “If you both have never tried kinky toys, then making a date of it can be a great way to introduce them,” says sex educator and pleasure expert Javay Frye-Nekrasova. “You can visit sex shops together or shop online together.” This way, you’re less likely to get something that your partner finds terrifying rather than thrilling.
Finally, although disclosing your kinks can bring up a lot of internalized shame and stigma for some people, remember that kink is actually quite normal: Studies estimate that about a third of the population has tried kink in some form or another, and even more people have fantasized about it. “Don’t preface [your request] with saying, ‘This is so crazy, and I’m so weird.’ Just confidently say what you’d like to try and what you’re into,” Zane suggests. “And if they’re not into it, don’t feel rejected. Don’t try to change their mind. Gracefully accept their boundary and try to find a middle ground of something you’d both be interested in exploring.” This might be easier said than done, but remember that there are plenty of kinks you can explore solo—such as sensation play, using nipple clamps, and some types of rope bondage—if your partner’s not into it, or if you don’t have (or don’t want) a partner.
Types of kinky toysBy its very nature, there are almost infinite ways to do kink – and so there’s an almost infinite variety of toys out there that can be used in kinky ways, from handmade leather cuffs to wooden spoons to electrostimulation wands. But broadly speaking, some of the main types of kink toys include:
Impact implements: “Impact play” is a term for all kink activities that involve hitting somebody with something. This can include spanking, flogging, slapping, and more. Implements made for impact play, such as paddles and floggers, make it easier to dole out more pain for longer without hurting your hand. Plus, they provide different sensations than a hand can. When shopping for impact toys, make sure you get something that has no sharp edges or raised seams, with a handle you’ll be able to hold onto securely.
Bondage toys: Lots of people find it exciting to be restrained, so there are plenty of products made for exactly that purpose. Wrist and ankle cuffs are some of the most common, but there are also thigh cuffs, collars, bondage tape, bondage rope, and more. The most important thing to look for in bondage toys is a fit that’s secure but not too tight – you should always leave enough slack that you’re able to fit at least two fingers between your skin and the restraint, to prevent cutting off circulation.
Sensation play toys: The term “sensation play” encompasses pain, pleasure, and more. Some of the simplest sensation-play tools can be found in your own home—it can be surprisingly hot to “torture” someone by dragging an ice cube over their skin, for instance, or to pinch someone’s skin with clothespins—but there are also purpose-specific kink toys available if you’re into this type of play. Wartenberg wheels and feather ticklers are common examples.
The Best Bondage Collar: Kookie Bondage Collar
Babeland
Material: Leather and metalHow to use: Fasten the collar around your neck (or your partner’s), leaving two fingers’ worth of space between the leather and your skin for safety’s sake. Never pull too hard on the collar, as this could result in choking.
Most Popular
Collars have a variety of uses in BDSM. Gently tugging on someone's collar will certainly get their attention, and the D-rings on this one can be attached to other bondage toys, like cuffs, with the help of some rope or a chain connector. Plus, they make for a cute fashion accessory if you're into goth/punk/kinky vibes.
The Best Strap-On Harness: Aslan Leather Jaguar
SheVibe
Material: Leather and brassHow to use: Adjust the straps to fit your hips and butt securely (but not too tightly). Slip your dildo of choice through the harness’s O-ring from behind. When shopping for dildos, keep in mind that only toys with a flared base are harness-compatible.
A common problem with strap-on harnesses is that the sturdy ones don't tend to be all that sexy-looking, and vice-versa, but this handmade leather harness is both. Its O-ring can be swapped out for different sizes, so you can use it with dildos of a variety of dimensions. It just might be the perfect harness, especially for anyone who appreciates the classic black leather aesthetic.
The Best Nipple Clamps: CalExotics Nipple Play Crystal Chain Nipple Clamps
CalExotics
Nipple Play crystal chain nipple clamps$21SheVibe
Material: Silicone and ironHow to use: Use the little screws on the side of each clamp to adjust them to a loose setting to begin with (you can always dial up the pain later). Clamp one onto each nipple, though you may need to pull your nipple taut with one hand while doing this in order to get a good grip. Don’t leave clamps on for longer than about 15 minutes at a time, and take them off if you feel numbness or tingling.
These clamps are adjustable, so you can make them looser or tighter depending on your pain tolerance. Try tugging on the chain periodically during sex for a burst of pain.
The Best Vibrating Nipple Clamps: Lovense Gemini
SheVibe
Material: Silicone and ABS plasticHow to use: Adjust the clamps to your desired tightness level (you may want to start on a loose setting if you’re a newbie) and put them on your nipples. You can control the vibrations using the button on the toy, or connect it via Bluetooth to the Lovense app to control it (or to invite a long-distance partner to do so).
What's better than nipple clamps? Vibrating Bluetooth-compatible nipple clamps, of course. These can be controlled from nearby or far away using the Lovense app, so they're ideal for getting kinky with a long-distance partner.
The Best Blindfold: Nidra Deep Rest Eye Mask
Nidra
Deep Rest eye mask$25 $20Amazon
Material: Polyester interlock fabric with a thin foam insertHow to use: Put the mask on and adjust its tightness using the Velcro strap in the back.
This is technically just a sleep mask and was not designed for kinky purposes, but it’s the best blindfold out there nonetheless. The adjustable strap fits multiple head sizes, the contoured shape truly keeps light out, and the convex eye cups are amazingly comfy.
The Best Handcuffs: Unbound Cuffies
Unbound
Cuffies$19Unbound
Material: SiliconeHow to use: Slip the cuffs onto your wrists, and you’re good to go. Take them off immediately if you notice any tingling or numbness, and never leave a person in bondage unattended in case they need assistance.
Most PopularMetal handcuffs can cut off your circulation, while leather ones often take too long to put on, especially in the heat of the moment. These strong-yet-stretchy silicone cuffs, on the other hand, are super comfortable and easy to slip on or off in a hurry.
The Best Full-Body Bondage Set: Sportsheets Under-The-Bed Restraints System
Sportsheets
Under-the-bed restraints system$70Babeland
Material: Polypropylene, polyester, nickel-free metal, and ABS plasticHow to use: Slide the connector strap under your mattress and attach the other straps and cuffs to it at all four corners of the bed, and use the cuffs as desired. If you need to be discreet, you can tuck the cuffs under the mattress between uses.
Cuffing someone’s wrists and ankles to the bed can make them feel thrillingly vulnerable, and this nifty bondage set will let you do just that. Its long straps slide underneath your mattress, so the attached cuffs are always close at hand when you need them.
The Best Bondage Rope: Blush Temptasia Bondage Rope
SheVibe
Material: CottonHow to use: Look up rope bondage tutorials online or in books (Essence of Shibari by Shin Nawakari is a good one) and try some ties out on yourself or a partner, taking care to leave two fingers’ worth of space between the rope and your skin. Always keep a pair of safety shears nearby when doing bondage, in case you need to get out of it quickly.
Rope bondage—an art form which originated in Japan and is also known as shibari or kinbaku—can be a deeply intimate, connective way of getting kinky with a partner. This rope is made of soft cotton for a smooth glide against the skin. There are lots of great rope bondage books, videos, and classes out there that you can learn from, but just make sure to always keep a pair of safety shears nearby in case of emergencies.
The Best Ball Gag: Pipedream Fetish Fantasy Ball Gag Training System
SheVibe
Material: Plastic and leatherHow to use: Start with the smallest gag; you can work your way up to the larger sizes later, if you want to, once you’re more comfortable having a gag in your mouth. Never leave a gagged person unattended, in case they need assistance. When using a gag, it’s also a good idea to have a “safe-signal” rather than just a safeword, so that, for example, if you shake your head back and forth three times, your partner will know to take your gag out and stop the action.
The helplessness and mild embarrassment involved in wearing a ball gag is hot for lots of people. This set is well-suited for beginners: it comes with three differently-sized balls so you can find your perfect fit, and each one has holes in it to help you breathe more easily.
The Best Paddle: Sportsheets Saffron Ping Pong Paddle
Sportsheets
Saffron ping pong paddle$24Babeland
Material: Polyurethane faux leatherHow to use: Unless your partner specifically prefers otherwise, it’s a good idea to start any spanking session with a warm-up. Lightly slap the area you’ll be hitting for a couple minutes or more, before moving on to harder hits. Do your research beforehand on which spots are safe to spank and which aren’t; the main thing to know is that fatty areas like the butt and thighs are a good bet, and bony or delicate parts like the spine and kidneys are best avoided.
Most PopularEven if you’ve never tried impact play before, this faux-leather paddle is easy to wield, especially with the attached strap looped around your wrist. It can elicit lots of different types and intensities of pain, too, depending on how you swing it.
The Best Crop: Crimson Heart Crop
Babeland
Material: LeatherHow to use: Start with a warm-up, as described above, before hitting harder. Crops are gentle enough that they can usually be used safely on areas like the chest, arms, and upper back, in addition to classic spanking spots like the butt and thighs.
If you’d prefer an impact implement that’s a bit more delicate or precise, this heart-shaped leather crop is a cute choice. Crops can feel great on pain aficionados’ butts, thighs, and other broad, fleshy spots.
The Best Wartenberg Wheel: CalExotics Scandal Pleasure Wheel
SheVibe
Material: Nickel-free zinc alloyHow to use: Lightly roll the spokes of the wheel along your partner’s skin (or your own). Optionally, this toy pairs well with a blindfold.
Although it was originally developed as a medical device for testing nerve reactions, today the Wartenberg wheel is also used by horny people for sensation play. Roll the spiky wheel across a partner’s skin to produce a prickly, tickly sensation that many people enjoy.
The Best Wax Play Candles: Sportsheets Drip Pillar Candles
Babeland
Material: Paraffin waxHow to use: Lay down a towel or sex blanket before doing wax play, to protect your bed from any errant drips of wax. Light the candle and wait for some wax to melt at the top, and then carefully tilt the candle to drip some wax onto your partner’s skin. It’s best to start with the candle held fairly high—you can stand by the side of the bed to do this—because the farther away it is, the more time it’ll have to cool before hitting skin. You can move it lower if more pain is desired. Avoid delicate areas like the face. When you’re done, gently scrape off all the wax using a butter knife, credit card, or similar (you can roll it up in the towel or sex blanket until you can get to a garbage can to throw away all the bits of wax).
If you're into sadomasochism and art, wax play might be up your alley. It involves dripping hot wax on someone's skin, in a way that's not just kinky but often visually beautiful, too. It's safest to do wax play with unscented candles made of paraffin or soy, so these simple pillar candles will do the trick nicely.
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Kate Sloan is a sex toy writer for GQ. She has written the books “101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do” and “200 Words to Help You Talk About Sexuality & Gender,” and is a cohost for the podcasts The Dildorks and Question Box. Her writing on sex and relationships... Read moreWriterInstagramRelated Stories for GQSex and RelationshipsShopping