Thirty minutes of uninterrupted one-on-one attention, for a fee that seems to keep on getting steeper especially if you’re in San Francisco or New York—the only difference between your monthly trim and a trip to your therapist’s office might just be “a little off the top.” (And a shave, if that’s your style.)

We’re going to venture a guess, however, and say that it’s because of this lengthy close contact that people often find themselves oversharing in the barber’s chair. Whether it’s exposing fetishes, recounting felonies or divulging any number of mundane day-to-day occurrences, customers can’t seem to keep their mouths shut when there’s a pair of scissors landscaping their mane. Which is why we’ve asked a bunch of barbers and other hair-people to break stylist-client confidentiality to share with us the most off-the-rails conversations they’ve had with those whose hair they maintain. This is Barber Chair Confessional.

(Ed Note: All names have been omitted for privacy. We’re not that heartless.)

“This guy told me he was arrested for riding his horse inside of a bar. Because he ‘didn't feel like standing.’” - Gabrielle, California

“I had a client sit in my chair and start telling me about how she had a ‘friend’ who was upset because the man she was having an affair with forgot her birthday. The gift he got her, when he did remember, was a set of dishtowels for her kitchen at home. She then went into telling me about what they would do, sexually, when they got away from their spouses. By the end of her story, I stopped her and asked, ‘This isn’t about a friend is it?’ She laughed and said, ‘No, it's actually about me.’ Only thing I could say was, ‘I had a feeling’.” - David, Ohio

“I had a customer break down while I was cutting his hair. He admitted to recently killing a man who tried to rob him. The customer was on his way to work when a guy approached him asking directions. As he was giving the directions, it became obvious the guy was very nervous and not interested. A gun was drawn by the assailant but my customer responded with lethal force. He disarmed the man and left a knife in his chest. The body dropped and he ran 3 blocks to the drugstore where he sat and cried but turned himself in soon after. The police came and picked up my customer and returned to the scene only to find the body missing. It turns out the body was dragged away by a friend and found days later. I've never seen the customer since.” - Josh, Illinois

“A client once told me about her hippie days when she would frequently partake in drug-fueled orgies.” - Alexey, Pennsylvania

“The weirdest conversation I've ever had was with a man about how his wife was a hairstylist and she was amazing at what she did. I asked why she wasn't cutting his hair then. He responded, with a very straight face, "I don't want her to have sharp objects near my head, because I don't trust her.’” - Julie, Indiana

“I once had a gentleman that was at least 30 years my senior, who knew I was married with children, offer to be my sugar daddy so I could just wash his hair everyday. He also promised I would inherit a lot of money and property.” - Katy, Illinois

“One of my clients told me how he slept with his Uncle’s girlfriend years back while still a teenager. No one knows till this day. Twenty-five years later.” - Juan, Nevada

“I had a client who was extremely passionate about raising peacocks. He had around fifteen peacocks or so, all with their own names. He showed me pictures of them on his phone and told me, in-depth, about each of their personalities.” - Shannon, Ohio

“I had a client who was ‘building a time machine’ and ‘going back in time’ by taking baths.” - Billie, Missouri

“One particular conversation that stands out was with a man who may have had a fetish for women's shoes. He walked in wearing a shirt that said ‘I kissed her shoes and I liked it’ and was carrying a couple pairs of women's shoes. Throughout the entire haircut he sat on one pair of shoes and held the other, all the while asking me to tell him all about each pair of shoes I personally owned.” - Erin, New York

“At my last job, I had an older lady ask me if the rain excited me sexually.” - Nicole, Pennsylvania

Well, okay then.

Related Stories for GQHair