Listen up. I am sweet and sensitive, I am loving and loyal. When I care about someone, I will do just about anything for them to make them happy. Sometimes I go above and beyond – some see that as weak, some see it as amazing.

But cross me? Really offend me or go after me? I’ll cut a bitch.

I’m sure you recall Mr. Orgy, the Okcupid kid whom I tried to convince that he should show up for a “dogging” event I was setting up. I was truly going to keep going with the ruse to teach him a lesson. Until of course, he responded:

how do i know your not just ganna kill me….besides i dont got a car

*facepalm

*

I twitched from the irritation caused by the poor spelling and grammar. And then I got a little pissed.

A female okcupid serial murderer? I doubt it. If you don’t have a car, then WTF were you thinking messaging a girl for sex who lives 96 miles from you?

Seriously? Not only did Rico Sauve think he could just hit me up for an orgy, but he thought the orgy would come to  him?

im not really sure…lol…but it seemed like a good idea…idk…i guess its just been a while and idk what i was thinking….oh well guess ill have to miss out :(

Close your eyes, Lilly. Deep breaths, Lilly. He’s a moronic nothingness blip in the day.

……

Nope. Not gonna let it go. Not when his profile is what it is. (btw in his “Things I’m Good At” box, one bullet point was: “Diffinitally not speeling”)

Miss out? Awww. I was looking forward to an orgy with a total stranger, especially you, because I’m just a sucker for a man in a hat. It’s going to be huge, there’s already 10 guys that have confirmed. It’s going to be at the xxx Park in xxx. You need to come! Oh wait….you can’t because you’re a grown man without a car.

Listen. You’re hypocritical, and a loser. You’re 20. You should have a damn car. That’s the first thing.

The second thing is that if you’re going to look for a girlfriend or even just a hookup online, you need to learn better spelling and quit using textspeak. You are a high school graduate, there is just no damn excuse for your poor spelling and grammar. It is not a badge of pride. It makes you look unintelligent.

Third, your profile is all about how you’re nice and sweet and looking for the same but then you run across the likes of me and treat me like a whore. Just ask for an orgy with my friends right off the bat. Because yes you’re totally gonna get that living 100 miles away from me with no transportation and oh by the way I’m Not A Hooker! You just see a couple sexy photos in my profile, and that I’m in an open relationship, and oh angels from heaven I done found me a hoar!! Did you honestly think your opening line would get you anywhere? Would you walk up to a pretty girl in a bar and start off with that? You, boy, need to get some schoolin in readin writin an ‘rithmetic but also manners, respect and common decency.

Did you happen to notice that one of the things I am NOT looking for is casual sex? No, you didn’t, because I bet you didn’t even read. If you are trolling for sex, try adultfriendfinder. Try craigslist next if you find you have to end up paying for such fantasies.

Shockingly, he didn’t respond back. I truly expected to get in return the typical “Yeah well you’re a fat ugly pig and I wouldn’t fuck you anyways, so there” kind of response that I have indeed gotten when I’ve turned a guy down.

In other news. I’d like to end this on a positive note.

A short taste-test of a chat with someone I’ve just barely gotten to know resulted in this at the end of our conversation:

Him: In 10 words or less, describe a fantasy. Give me something to think about while I go camping this weekend

me: Hair pulling back arching bed slamming against the wall ROUGH.What do you think? Did I do alright with my 10 words?