The number-one thing a post-workout grooming should be is fast. Hit the showers with a monomaniacal sense of purpose, or you'll stand around waiting for hours as a menagerie of vanity-impaled gym stereotypes hog the sinks, blow-dry their chest hair, and trim their pubes. (If your workouts are currently limited to the at-home variety, the human safari is even worse when said gym stereotypes are also your roommates.)

Sadly, most locker rooms offer a paltry selection of personal-grooming products. Even the swankiest gyms don't dole out aluminum-free deodorant or matte face moisturizers, the kind specifically designed to help you avoid what we in the business call "pizza face". That's why we've endorsed a BYO policy. Because top-shelf multi-use products—once relegated to dandruff two-in-ones but now churned out by leading brands—are the key to minimizing your time in half-dressed purgatory.

So take a deep breath and move with finesse. Everything you need to assemble a record-breaking post-workout grooming routine is right here—timestamps and all—whether you're showering off at home before an early-morning Zoom or carefully avoiding the hirsute CrossFitter power walking towards the last free stall.

00:00 — WASH YOUR FACE

Rip open any one of these disposable towelette packets to cleanse and de-oil your face in one fell swoop.

Ursa Major Essential Face Wipes$24

Amazon

Oars + Alps shower wipes (pack of 14)$16

Oars and Alps

00:20 — FULL BODY CLEAN

Lather up in less time than it takes to find the right shower temp.

American Crew 3-in-1 Shampoo, Conditioner, and Body Wash$27

Amazon

Nécessaire fragrance-free body wash$25

Nordstrom

3:00 PIT STOP

These deodorants smell good enough to double as fragrance.

Jack Black “Pit Boss” antiperspirant and deodorant$20 $19

Amazon

Aesop roll-on deodorant$35

SSENSE

3:15 FACE TURN

These SPF moisturizers buffer your skin against dryness and sun damage, minimizing long-term dermis destruction down the line.

Dermalogica Oil Free Matte Sunscreen Lotion SPF 30$55

Ulta

CeraVe moisturizing lotion with SPF 30$19 $12

Amazon

4:00 — HAIR STYLING

Rub a dime-sized amount of styling cream into towel-dried hair (or give it a few well-placed spritzes) and let it air-dry. Now get dressed.

Bumble and bumble Styling Creme$26

Amazon

Oribe styling cream$42

Amazon

5:00 — VICTORY!

Congratulations: You're the Usain Bolt of semi-public grooming. Take a self-congratulatory victory lap in the parking lot.

Read MoreThe Best Body Wash for Your Particular Skin

16 top-shelf picks to upgrade your shower caddy.

By Adam Hurly and Michael Stefanov

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