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Once the realization of LeBron’s departure to Miami sunk in, my thoughts quickly shifted away from basketball and addressed a far more interesting development in LeBron’s "decision": his pronounced neckbeard. At the onset of his hour long ESPN special, I thought the neckbeard signaled LeBron’s choice to sign with Philadelphia (because of the region’s strong ties to the grooming style), but I quickly remembered the 76ers weren’t in the running. I then deduced LBJ’s beard had to be a nod to two of the world’s most famous neckbearders: Henry David Thoreau, the poet and individualist anarchist (a belief in opposing society’s wishes for one’s own) and Miami’s own ambassador-of-neckbeard (and self-proclaimed "Jack Nicholson of Heat games") Mr. Rick Ross.
Neckbeard, Miami, it was all starting to make sense. Through his writing in_ Walden, _Thoreau advocated a simple lifestyle in wholesome surroundings—and just think of the natural splendor of South Beach that James will now be enjoying. And there’s no doubt LeBron’s adoption of Mr. Ross’s hometown of Miami will lead to an exploration of linen suits, go-fast boats, and, of course, a further appreciation of enhanced neck-grooming skills.
Hindsight is 20-20. If only I would have made the neckbeard connection earlier I could have flipped some Heat floor seats—which according to Rick Ross have apparently shot up "30 stacks in 30 mins!" Wise words from a modern-day neckbearder.
Henry David Thoreau
