Sports—they do a body good. And if you’re a hyper-elite athlete, as we’re sure so very many of you are, then you have a body that reflects the attributes needed for victory in your field. Having women strum your sixteen-pack?! Just an added bonus. Even so, we were curious which athlete’s body type is most drooled-over by womenkind, choosing from eight major Olympic-caliber sports. So we asked 103 women, by informal survey, to rank sports bodies. Brace for SCIENCE:
8. GymnasticsTop-heavy with a compact frame, gymnasts have a low center of gravity that gives better balance. Smaller men have an easier time manipulating their bodies while airborne. While some women were all about these lithe-limbed, spandex-wearing stars (one participant went so far as to pull up a USA Men’s Gymnastics Team .GIF on her phone), gymnasts were often sniffed at for both their stature and sartorial requirements. “[They’re overdeveloped] for being so short; it makes them look like juicers or ’roid heads,” one woman told us. “That can only leave you to assume one thing about their lower halves.” Another: “Don’t love the leotards.”
7. FootballThe offensive line factor sandbagged this one: While we got raves for quarterbacks and “RUNNING BACKS!!!!!!” (participant included exactly six exclamation marks on her form), the hulking nature of other positions dragged this sport down to second-last.
6. BasketballOur science revealed vertical measurement was the “make it or break it” factor when it came to ranking b-ballers. Shorter girls were afraid of “too tall,” but one participant couldn’t believe her friend’s placement of any rank below four: “How is tall and handsome not everyone’s type?!”
5. BaseballLots of America’s favorite pastimers have chiseled arms and nice butts (praise Jesus for baseball pants—to women, what yoga pants are to you.) But, we have to recognize the sport has quite a few dadbods. Still, many women found the “nice balance between a beer gut and working out” comforting, and a nice change from the “overly intimidating” physique of other sports bods.
4. RugbyAmerican football’s European cousin, who attends a private boarding school and never takes off his crest-emblazoned blazer, has players who are short and stocky, with thick necks and thick accents. Many responders cited said“sexy” accents and players’ “really great hair” while ranking rugby. These features have absolutely nothing to do with body type. Damn confounding variables.
3. TennisTop tennis players need to be quick and agile, so their legs are in peak shape—without any of the bulk that attends others on this list. Slicing that racquet around leads to way-cut arms and cut obliques. Yup—they’re fit all over. (Others just admired tennis players’ signature style. One wrote in: “I actually have no idea what tennis bodies look like, but I like their outfits.”)
2. SwimmingAgain, you’ve got a sport that works you out from top to bottom, and we think this quote aptly sums up why ultra-cut swimming bods are our runner-up: “I’ve never seen a swimmer with a bad body. You can’t hide it in that suit.”
1. SoccerAccording to the women we asked, soccer players are perfection in the form of well defined and evenly distributed muscles. They have long legs, powerful thighs, and calves that cause you to blink quickly a few times – once you realize you’ve been staring and it’s time to come out of your haze.
Almost every single woman we asked had soccer bods in her top three. Ergo, earning MVP status on an intramural soccer team = your new life GOALLLLLLLL.
Editor’s Note: One participant threatened not to “take this seriously” unless she could write in “rowing.” In order to safeguard the gravity of this study, we have included an honorable mention section for all write-ins:
Rowing/crewLacrosseSpeed-skatingLuge. (Yes, luge.)
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