When the topic of beach running comes up at GQ, as it often does this time of year, the staff splits into two camps. One camp thinks of it as a special seasonal treat, like a McRib, meant to be savored for the short time it's available. The other camp thinks of beach running as an invitation to pain, like a McRib, meant to be avoided at all costs. To give both sides their chance to be heard, we pitted editorial assistants Lauren Larson and Andrew Goble to an intellectual joust—to run, or not to run?
LL: Beach running is awful. That scene from Chariots of Fire messed us all up. People don't even remember it right. Those guys are out there on the beach with twinkly '80s music, and we remember them prancing through the surf like wild mares, but the faces of the background runners suggest barely repressed hate. Look closer.
AG: Those guys in the back might look like they're struggling, but I like to think they're just concentrating. Not everyone starts out as a beach running pro, but soon they'll be skittering through the surf like the leaders of the pack.
LL: But there are practical concerns, Andrew. If you do run on the beach barefoot, you step on assorted sharps like beach glass and crabs. If you wear shoes, sand gets all up in your socks.
AG: Though some "experts" disagree, I believe firmly in beach running without shoes. The beach is a barefoot place and this is a barefoot exercise, one in which you and your toes become one with the Earth. By running right next to the shoreline, you can pretty easily avoid the glass. If you manage to step on a live crab, that's honestly really impressive. Enjoy your free meal!
LL: Even presuming you're right, if you're wearing sunscreen like you're 'sposedta, the sand, sunscreen, and sweat congeal into a disgusting paste.
AG: No one said this was going to be easy, Lauren. It might be a little messier than the resort gym, but beach running is perfect for staying in shape while you spend the rest of your vacation getting out of shape. Don't have time for 5 miles? That's fine, 3 miles in some soft sand and you're good to go. Don't have time for 3 miles? That's fine too—a few sprints back and forth on the beach will give you a better workout than half of those vacationers sweating out hangovers on the elliptical.
LL: I _like _the elliptical. There's no sand on the elliptical. Besides, the beach is for leisure. It's a safe space where you can read Nicholas Sparks in public and nobody will judge you.
AG: I'll enjoy my shitty paperbacks covered in cheeseburger grease knowing I've earned them. This summer, stride by stride, the sand has enveloped my very soul. I can't wait to spend some of these last remaining summer weekends doing it all over again.
LL: Meanwhile I will sit on the beach, suckling from a margarita slushie and reveling in my own sloth. It's the beach. Sit down.
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