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First things first: GNC? Little terrifying. Stand outside and try not to be intimidated by this fluorescent wonderland lined with roots and isolates and and ginseng sold by the keg. (Costco be damned—GNC may be American’s champion of selling its wares in the vastest-possible containers. Many of these Muscle Milk barrels could safely store my car.) Going into a GNC is like falling out of the mall and into the future, where you can buy a full day’s serving of veggies in a pill. I’m pretty sure this is what the people in Wall-E eat.

GNC helped pioneer the over-the-counter weight-loss medication industry, and is an enduring beacon of hope for the tenacious chunk of the populace who, in the face of hundreds of years of medical science, expert analysis and the old-fashioned common sense, believe it’s possible to drop pounds without modifying portion size or going for a walk. But it’s also been around for like 300 years (every mall in America contains two things: a GNC and a Cinnabon, and I suppose it’s a testament to the economy that both can coexist in the same space), so there must be some magic in those titanic jars of powder, right?

I decided to find out. One does not simply walk into such places, so I traveled with Lindsay Martin, a registered dietitian at Hilton Head Health, a scenic and meteorologically delightful weight loss facility that’s been serving coastal South Carolina for 35 years. (It’s turned up on Today and the A&E reality series Heavy.) This was necessary because of her insight and background, and because it’s just not safe to go into a place that sells horny goat weed without an expert.

"Taking an ingredient out of a food and isolating it will never be as good as that whole food," Martin tells me. "We’ll never create a pill that’s as good as an apple." And yet we wanted to know if there was anything on sale at GNC that would help the average guy. Here is what we found:

1. Vitaminology

A solid multivitamin can be useful for those not on a balanced diet or weight-loss program, as well as those with food allergies or nutrient needs because of their lifestyle or health condition (such as vegans). Martin estimates that’s about 90% of the population. Finding a solid multi is great for the average guy, she says, but only as a supplement. And talk to a registered dietitian before taking one—they’ll help assess whether you’ll be benefiting or just wasting your money.

As for those insane percentages—1,000% of your recommended daily allowance of Vitamin C or whatever—Martin says they come down to a difference in fat-soluble and water-soluble vitamins. Fat-soluble vitamins like A, D, E and K have the ability to store in your body, so if you’re taking 1,000% of Vitamin A every day, that’s not good. Water-soluble vitamins such as C and B have the ability to excrete out your body if you ingest too much. For colorful proof, ask Martin about the patient who peed green from taking a multivitamin three times a day.

2. The Seeds 2.0

Flaxseeds and chia seeds are superfoods! And by that we mean "foods." ("Marketing," Martin says of the "super" designation, rolling her eyes a little.) They’re great foods though, packed with fiber and plant omega-3 fatty acids, which are a little different from (and less potent than) the omega 3s you get from fish. Chia is a little less work-intensive; the seeds swell in water so you don’t have to grind them up to get the benefits, whereas flaxseed, if eaten whole, will travel right through you. In either case, sprinkle them in smoothies and oatmeal, or toast them to enhance the flavors. (Both of these, as well as most of your nuts and oils, can be found at regular grocery marts.)

3. Now Showing In D-3

"If there was one single vitamin or mineral to zone in on, I’d say it’s Vitamin D," Martin says. If you live north of about Philadelphia and are a man or a woman, chances are good you’re deficient in this one, especially if you’re not outdoors a lot. Next time you’re getting a physical, ask to get your levels checked.

4. It’s A Long Whey To The Top (If You Wanna Rock N’ Roll)

If you’re working out and being active, a basic whey protein hydrolysate is a great recovery drink. A favorite of ercise enthusiast Little Miss Muffet, whey is a complete protein that’s high in leucine, an amino acid connected with muscle stimulation and building. Whey absorbs quickly, but casein is another milk protein that’s slower-absorbing, which is why Martin says some people take casein in the evening and let it work overnight.

5. Why You Should Be Enthusiastic About Eating Something Called Fish Oil

Omega-3 fish oils have many special powers: they stimulate brain activity, serve as anti-inflammatories, can bring down triglycerides. You want between 1000-2000 mgs a day of EPA and DHA, the good stuff in fish oils. Look for enteric coating, which cuts down on fish burps, which your special ladyfriend does not want. And look for the "triple-strength" variety; we found one pill with 900 mgs of EPA/DHA, which means you’d only have to take one or two a day (and these are surprisingly large pills, people). For extra convenience, Martin goes with a teaspoon of liquid fish oil instead of the pills. Alternatively, she says? Eat more salmon.