After 3 years, I’ve decided to hang up my hat on e[lust]. Oddly enough, it’s an idea I kicked around once or twice last year as well but I came to the decision in less than an hour last month. As I realized it would soon be time for another round to start up I had no choice but to recognize the strong avoidance and lack of fucks to give. Quite simply…..I had been drained dry. And like a lightbulb turning on I just simply knew it was time for me to walk away.

While there were numerous months where I couldn’t get enough help from my band of volunteers, and every month some one or two would disappear when duties arouse, overall the willingness of my helpers was an experience good for the soul. I suppose that in a way it’s sad when you’re so surprised and grateful for people volunteering their time (I think it’s being American that makes me feel that way, it seems we’re more of a “mind your own business, walk on by the person getting mugged” mentality) but I swear multiple times I’d about given up on this corner of the blogging world but my faith was restored time and again by my helpers.

And yet despite getting down a streamlined schedule and a great core group of people…..I’d already grown to dislike my “job” and it truly did feel like a job more often than not. Which it really shouldn’t. At the very heart of the matter I loved providing this for bloggers, old and new. I was thrilled for them when I would hear how their traffic increased, when people would praise new-found blogs located via e[lust]. But on the large scale, the bits of bad seemed to nearly outweigh the shining good. Don’t get me wrong though, I’ve met some truly wonderful bloggers through this and found special people who went out of their way to help.

I had a couple of paragraphs here talking about why exactly e[lust] was not a happy party for me a lot of the time and there were more than a couple lamentations and rants….but moments before publishing, I realized that there is absolutely no point in talking about any of that. Why whine and bring shit down? It won’t fix anything, I’m already done.

I suspect that as I bow out of projects, I’m also going to be backing out more and more from blogging. I didn’t think I could ever foresee a future without all of you, but it may turn out that way by this time next year…who knows. I’ve slowly ended projects…first Wanton Wednesday and now e[lust]. I’m barely involved with Sex Blogger Co-Op and Toyswap anymore, I assume they’re carrying on as well as can be expected and unless participation drops to “barely any” I see no reason to end those.

I had really hoped (assumed?) that my final edition (and possibly the final final edition, as the future has not been fully decided) would go out with more of a bang….with a bigger surge in participation. The only participation surge that I saw was a lot of my volunteers agreeing to help. For them, I am forever grateful. I always did my best to show my appreciation for my volunteers with a link on the homepage, but this is where I feel the need to recognize a few of the stand-outs who truly went above and beyond. Curvaceous Dee, I think, would win the award for “most editions helped with”. She was such a star. Thank you, Dee!!! Others who have helped a huge amount were David, Mistress Kay, Lady Evyl, Hubman and  I really have to credit Molly for the idea of “everything happens on the same date each month”, for this years smooth schedule.

I’m thrilled to have worked with you all (despite the fact that e[lust] seemed to have cemented my status as a crotchety old bitch, haha), to have done something that was needed and I hope that e[lust] will find a way to continue on without me. I will indeed update everyone if the site is turned over to someone else to run, as soon as it is official.

Good night, and good luck.