Back when I was single and had gotten well over 10,000 hours of practice smiling while listening to men talk about themselves, I went on a blind triple date with my two roommates and three men. We arrived on time and got free shots with gummy worms in them, which was about the best part of the night. Three nearly identical blond frat guys arrived, and their first question after learning—and promptly forgetting—our names was “Where’d you get those shots?”
We talked for about two minutes before we inevitably ended up at the “What do you do?” question.
The first guy said, “Oh, I work in finance, but I’m probably gonna quit soon because I have enough money.” The second guy followed up with “I helped invent Lyft.” (He didn’t). He then launched into a long story about how he wanted Lyfts to have top hats and monocles instead of the short-lived pink mustaches that they ended up with, trying to convince us of the company’s grave mistake here. We nodded along, I think, hoping their last friend would redeem the other two.
Reader, he did not. Guy No. 3, the third little pig in this story, spent 20 minutes bragging about being retired. He was 24. He then told us his “net worth”—yes, he used that phrase—like any amount of money could make up for the fact that, by his own admission, his busiest day of the week was when he walked to Whole Foods.It quickly became clear to both parties that we were unimpressed by all this, and that no combination of the six of us was ever going to sleep together or contact each other again. Unfortunately, the night had about 45 minutes left before it was polite for them to leave, and I don’t remember anything else we talked about.
Thing is, we already place inordinate value on what we do for a living. In America, you are your job. It’s the first descriptor we attach to a person. Oh, she’s a painter. He’s a finance bro. He sells artisanal jams on an Etsy shop, living off of an app he made at 19. For better or worse, you get a pretty good idea of who a person is simply by learning how they spend their 9-to-5 hours, which is why the subject will inevitably come up at every first date. And the sad fact is: Men often have no idea how to talk about their jobs. Here’s how to do it while making a good first impression:
Keep it simple. When someone asks you how you’re doing, you’re supposed to say some version of “Pretty good!” Maybe follow up a bit about your week. That’s the rule we’ve all agreed to as a society. The same concept is true for your job. Assume that it's not all that interesting to describe your day-to-day tasks that come with working in the IT department of J. C. Penney. You don’t need to give a one-word answer and then change the subject, but it’s not a job interview either, so don’t go overboard.
Don’t downplay or up-play shit. Basically, don’t lie. If you’re not working right now, it’s good to be up front about that. You don’t need to give a play-by-play about how you aren’t really applying for anything because you’ve been super depressed for months on end. You can simply use the magical phrase “I’m between jobs right now.” Honestly, most women won’t care nearly as much as men assume we will. On the other hand, if you have a really cool job, don’t be afraid to be excited by it! You work hard, and there’s no need to downplay what you do. Misplaced stoicism hasn’t been sexy since Mad Men, so go ahead and tell us that you spend 60 hours a week curing pediatric cancer, but only if you actually are.
Talk about it, but only if you love it. There is very little as sexy as a man who is willing to talk about something other than The Dark Knight with a bit of passion. Being excited and passionate about things that other people make or do, like a TV show or a sports team or trying new restaurants, is great! Truly, the more enthusiasm you have, the better. (Please, someone smack whoever told straight men they should never be enthused.) However, it’s far sexier for a guy to be passionate about something he makes or does. If you cook? That’s hot. You love fixing cars? Hot. You sing cheesy love songs on an acoustic guitar? Not as hot, but you get the idea.
Don’t complain. This all brings us to the obvious corollary: Don’t devote a majority of the date to talking about your job if you hate it. Hating things simply is not interesting to other people. Ah, how I wish it were, but alas. No one hears someone complaining about their long commute and terrible boss and thinks, “Yes, this guy, I need some of that negativity in my bed.” A simple “I work in marketing, but I don’t really like where I’m at right now, so I’m looking for something new” totally works. Then steer the conversation to something you do enjoy doing, whether it’s career-related or a hobby you’ve taken up outside of work, and how excited you are about that.
ASK THEM ABOUT THEIR JOB, TOO. This is the number one rule of talking about your job. If someone asks you what you do and you give an answer, please ask about their job. Women will notice every time you don’t do this. It’s the biggest turn-off imaginable when a guy answers a question without turning it back around, because it reads as if he doesn’t care about you. After all, the absolute bare-minimum requirement for a person you’d want to date is that they care about you.
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